I feel very happy lately due largely to the help of someone very important to me. This person has listened, understood and cared. They have heard me cry, laugh and be angry. So today I found myself feeling guilty for being happy. I guess it's not really feeling happy that is the key guilt. It is more that I wish I could have shown more happiness to Dave. I know I made him happy, but God, I was a bitch so much of the time to him! I felt like I constantly battled a bad mood! Why is it that the way I feel right now couldn't have been shared more often with David? I think I did maybe take for granted how good we were together. Why didn't I share my happiness with him more? I mentioned this to my best friend. Her response was that life makes us who we are. We change when huge events happen like a death or accident. Our view of life changes. I guess she's right. I certainly don't want to waste my time and life being in a bad mood. I try to laugh more now. I look for reasons to laugh. I laugh at stupid stuff. It's great! I am trying not to regret not having laughed more or been more happy around David. I suppose that will have to be a regret of mine. I am allowed to have those, after all, I'm human.
David, I'm sorry I didn't laugh more with you. Thanks for telling me that I should not take things so seriously.
Friend, you know who you are, thanks for listening, loving and helping me to feel happy again.
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