Today is turning out to be a trying day. It started with Shelby's first soccer game with pictures first. I thought I had everything in hand that I needed when we got to the field, but then realized I needed my purse for picture money. So Rowan and I tracked back to the parking lot for my purse and also brought back the stroller, camera bag, and chair for the field; all things I hadn't thought of the first time. So within 5 minutes Rowan is hungry, bored and whining... 45 minutes before the game has even started! Meanwhile, my stress level is rising! I am looking around seeing couples, moms and dads. My stress level is rising. So soccer game begins. Rowan is whining, " I want to go home". Stress level is rising. 10 minutes in I get her M&M's and a Sprite. The neighbors child who is a little older is occupying Rowan somewhat. Things are better. Shelby is playing well. Her team is obviously not sure of themselves, but they begin to relax, build some confidence and get more aggressive. Things are going well. The last few minutes of the game Rowan loses all control and lies down on sidewalk nearby and throws a small temper tantrum. I am beginning to think I could use a BIG margarita when I get home. However, as soon as we leave the game we drop by the house to change clothes, grab a present and head to destination number two, the birthday party. We get there and I know no one but the hostess. Awkward. Rowan has fallen asleep in the car and remains asleep as I stand around holding her watching people. Awkward. I feel as if I want to run. Can someone save me? Shelby is having fun with her friend so I take Rowan sleeping as an opportunity to leave Shelby and let Rowan sleep in the car. I drive to a friends house, have lunch and drive back to the party to get Shelby. I get there and people stare or at least that's the way it feels. I can't help but think are they thinking, "oh, poor girl, a widow" or worst, "wow, she seems like a bitch, she just dropped her kid and left." Stress level and now emotions rising. I am going to snap. I need a quick escape... and a BIG margarita! I let Rowan bounce in the bounce house until I can't stand to stay in the awkwardness any longer. I am sleepy, stressed and need a break. Homeward bound! I break silently in the car. I tell Shelby when we get home she is going to watch Rowan for a bit while I nap. I escape to my closet, where I can not be heard and I cry. I hate how these small events can break me sometimes. My confidence is shattered without someone beside me to talk to, help me, laugh with me, and enjoy first soccer games with. Tomorrow is Rowan's birthday party and I want to be in a good place emotionally. God, give me strength. I need to enjoy the day for her, but already my head is filled with how to finish up the shopping I need to do, cleaning and party preparation. Maybe I will start with that nap......