I didn't put my ring on this morning. I wanted to know what it felt like to be without it. So far it hasn't been horrible. I can relate to comments from other widows/ers that it feels like a lie to wear their wedding band. I can also relate to feeling disloyal without it. Today, so far, I have felt like I am taking a step towards moving forward in a direction of adventure and discovery for me. I don't miss David any less. I just don't want to look married when I am not. On the flip side I won't like people assuming I am divorced with two children but I can't control what people will think. I miss my 'bling'! It sounds silly, but I have only owned that ring for 10months! David was so excited to give it to me. He was incredibly proud to put it on my hand. I get remarks about it just about everywhere I go which can make it hard to wear now. It's beautiful! I would like to have it made into something I can where on my right hand.
I found a quote I wrote down a couple of months ago. At the time it was just a note worthy quote for me, but it is profound at this time in my life. "She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, and surely it has not, she adjusted her sails."- Elizabeth Edwards
I like that metaphor. I am standing in a storm. A storm doesn't last forever, but I need to work around it while I'm in it. I will adjust my sails to suit my life's need.
I was listening to the song "Landslide". A line in this song says, "Well, I've been afraid of changing, cause I built my life around you, but time makes you bolder....." I built my life around David since I was 14. We grew into each other, so much that we could finish each others thoughts. He helped make me the person I am today. I have been afraid of change. Time has and will continue to make me bolder. I want to embrace the boldness!
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