My Last Day with David

I am thankful for my last day with David. It was a pleasant one. It was a Sunday so we had slept in and laid around. We had lunch at one of David's favorite places, Five Guys Burgers and Fries! Rowan was especially snugly to him at lunch time. We laughed and argued on the way home because Shelby had thrown up in the car right after lunch. Once home Rowan and I took a nap and David and Shelby headed outside for some paintball fun. David had been wanting to show Shelby how to shoot a paintball gun for I don't know how long. Birth? They came in a short while later as I was waking from my nap. We sat down to watch TV together. Rowan woke up from nap and I went to get her out of bed. David smiled at us as we came into the living room and I sat down with Rowan. I had just sat down when I heard one of David's gasp of air. He always had this quick gasp of air that he took when he said his heart skipped. He had always recovered, but after his surgery two years ago I had become very aware and cautious of it since. When I heard him gasp I remember waiting to hear the recover and when I didn't I heard Shelby giggle. I immediately looked over and David's head had fallen towards Shelby and his eyes and mouth were open. At first glance it looked like he was being silly. He did silly faces and such often. I realized a problem and jumped up, throwing Rowan on the floor. I sort of pushed on him and everything became confusing. David was making this awful irregular snoring sound and his body was twitching. I thought he was having a seizure, but then I thought maybe he was having a heart attack. I know now all of these things were the body shutting down. I called 911 and listened to instructions. The operator told me to move him into a lying position. I inappropriately laughed at this and said "I'll try, he's a big man." When I moved him I saw he had peed himself. I knew at this point he had died or was never going to be the same. I gave him CPR for what seemed like forever. It was probably 5-7minutes until the EMT's came. I thought how pointless it was to do CPR. He was obviously not responding to anything. When EMT's arrived that truly signaled to me that I was losing David. There was one lady who was frantically working and yelled for me to take the girls out of the room. So I sent them to the neighbors house. From this point on it was like an out of body experience. I stood in the room thinking if he isn't already dead I don't want him to live because I knew that the chances of him being brain dead were significant. David would not want to live if he had any severe handicap. I loved him, but didn't want him to live any way he wouldn't want to. They must have worked on him 10minutes before taking him to the ER. They pronounced him shortly after working on him for a short time. I chose to come in the room while they tried to revive him. It was terrible to see him so helpless and lifeless. There were so many doctors and nurses. My strong, intelligent, handsome man was no more. I stared at his beautiful leg tattoo. It was weird. I wanted to take the tattoo with me. Not his leg, but the tattoo. I guess it was because the tattoo meant so much to David and he had put so much thought and time into it. I wasn't going to see it or him again.
I will look for pictures of his tattoo. I'm considering getting it duplicated on the side of my body. I am happy I have no regrets with David. Our last day together was perfect. David finally showed Shelby how to shoot a paintball gun, he had special hugs and kisses from Rowan, and we had our special time together. I just wish I could have kissed him and told him how much I loved him one last time. I did yell at him one last time! I told him not to leave me. It didn't work.